Que Shiraz

It was cold out but getting warmer. You stopped to see me on the way down south to split up the drive and eat, maybe stay the night. You came inside and I sat on your lap, told you to close your eyes and hold out your hand. All day I had been thinking about you and this visit so I got you something for the weekend. When I was buying your present, the old man at the register looked at me, alone standing there and asked “for the boyfriend?” . Unsure of how to answer the question and so he wouldn’t feel sorry for me I just nodded my head. The rest of the day I second guessed myself. I didn’t think I should give it to you, thinking I might be deeper in this than you. But when you opened your eyes, and saw what I had placed in your hand, you said thank you with a kiss and we moved  on. We walked a couple of blocks away to get food, and you talked the whole way. I watched you the whole time only taking in some of the things you had said. When you looked at me for answers or responses all I could do was smile and kiss you. And you kept talking.

We got to an intersection and I saw another boy who I had previously dated. The boy stood there in shock as I walked by on the arm of another man and then I saw just how poorly I treated him. He held his hand up and waved gently. I didn’t have it in me not to wave back so I did, but kept walking. You asked who it was and if I wanted to go back and say hi. “No, keep walking, it’s just someone I used to know.”

Months passed, and I was alone again. And I think back to this night. How I felt when I was with you. How I tried so hard to make things work. How I walked on eggshells around you because I didn’t know how you felt. How I wasted time. What I said that night makes sense now. Whenever we open up and let someone in, we are doing it just so that person won’t become “someone we used to know”. Yet most of the time, something goes wrong, people lose contact and that’s that.I’m comfortable with this process now, and all I say is that it was nice to know you.